Evers birth was fast and beautiful. My body opened wide and she slid out scowly and cuddly and the joy filled exclamation mark of our family. With her birth the door swung wide. Wide to body acceptance, birth culture, mother of multiple children, and the onset of her sister being a full fledged preschooler who was ready for learning/growing/changing/pushing/everything, our world bubble burst with Evers arrival.
Her babyhood has been long, and a blink. At 2.5 Nolie became a sister (and aged enormously overnight) and a role model. She slowed her nursing, potty learned, night weaned, began to to most things for herself, and self identified as a “big kid”. And we were all ecstatic at her every new stage, because there was a still a baby nursing around the clock, forever in our ergo, always toddling about. Ever has done similar, at 2(.75 wah!) she is strong and independent, plays on her own, dresses herself and chooses her own outfits, decides what she wants to eat and when, climbs and jumps and swings a “a big tid fwing!” at the park. She is slowing her nursing during the day, playing with other kids and has been independent with the bathroom for over a year now. But… she still says “I not a big tid. I a little girl. Mamas little girl.”
I think she and I are both feeling that door of babyhood closing. And we are both holding tighter to the frames and savoring each last little milestone. She adores being the baby. She will always be my baby. But with her third birthday looming, her independence exploding, and her ability level blowing us both away. . . it’s becoming clearer and clearer that the door that flung wide at birth is closing and we are standing in the fresh air all looking around thinking. Dazzled. Sun drunk. What comes next?
This little girl, this little family, this “Ever Harbor Joy!” is growing up. And the adventures just beyond this step feel limitless. This Noele Grace, role model, Sister, is on the cusp of reading and writing, expressing huge and deep emotions and ready for all the one-on-one I can manage.On the edge of journaling, schooling, and is forever asking questionsquestionsquestions, and daily stumping me and leading me to old books, and new articles, and youtube videos of weather and dance moves and science experiments.
I’m not quite ready to step into the bright sun. And thankfully here on the threshold my baby stays in my arms. Nursing. Eyes bright and icy as always. The end is close, the steps are hovering, and the new chapter waiting. But we’re pausing a moment longer, and it’s beautiful and full, the wait is worth it. And the heaviness of the door is acute today.