At 10am I looked at the clock, deep in labor and my birth tub, I looked at Charlie and my midwife. Pleaded with my eyes and said “I cannot make it till 4pm.” “I don’t think you’ll have to” my midwife replied.
I didn’t believe her.
My first daughter was born at 4pm. I was sure this birth would last as long. Follow the same, tough, path.
I roared. Sang. Deep and surprising notes. Gripped the tub, and felt a moment of total elation. “Her head is born, she’s almost here.” the midwife quietly said.
10:06, this baby floated through the water and to my arms. I had my Moment. The one I’d been dreaming, imagining, and praying for so desperately.
Her birth was shocking, joyful, and deep. I felt quiet in myself. I felt ecstasy. I was shocked. Nothing about it felt safe, and everything about it felt so right. Her birth was redemption, growth, and a lesson. It showed me who I was. Strong, bright and happy, a bit of a lone wolf, and a person who was capable of manifesting my dreams into screaming wild realities.
Her name had been chosen, she was my Harbor Brave. She was going to be my safe space, my bravery and harbor from the storm of what I felt before. I had meditated and prayed on it, forever.
But when she was born, her birth, her eyes, her spunk. She wasn’t anyone’s harbor. She was exuberance. She was my reminder that we are Joy. My Ever Harbor Joy. She wasn’t a safe space to hold onto, she was a reminder that we, our family, are Joy Clingers. We hang onto Joy deep and wide. Hold tight to it, and keep it woven into the entirety of this little family cloth.
That bright, and ecstatic morning was 5 years ago tomorrow. And she’s never wavered in her name. Her fire is bright, and she embodies Joy in the way that it deeply means. Not happiness, not an unending smile, but a forever contentment in our realities and the ability to balance that with adventure, and wild seeking of Joy in every way she wants.
When Noele was born, I felt the answer to that immense and nagging life question of “Who Am I?” and when Ever was born I received the answer to the question “Now, how do I do this?”
I am a Mama. And I will do that with Joy, in every way. Wild, seeking, radical, affirming, and sought after Joy.
Ever Harbor Joy, on your 5th birthday you are assertive, brilliant, brave, nimble, and my girl through and through. As likely to scale a rock ten times your height as you are to snuggle me at the base and have a nurse.
Your sister is your other half. You are attached to her in a magical way I can’t even describe. You’re going to pull her into adventures, and she will hold you tight into your dreams. You give her the wild, and she gives you the calm.
You completed our family, are the icing on the cake, and will always be my baby. Happy 5th my Everbaby, you are pure magic.