When my heart recommitted to yoga it was with a goal. I was desperate to head stand. I was diligent and tireless with prep poses, strengthening drills, and falling over time and time (and time and time) again. Eventually, I lifted. And it felt like magic. A magic that I knew I needed to keep up with to maintain. So, I did. And therein my at home yoga practice really solidified. From that blossomed a deeper love, and desire to teach. I wanted to give that ignited, exhausted, full up, proud of your body feeling to anyone I could. So I went down the path, took my training, dedicated myself totally to it. And began to teach immediately.
Over the past few months I’ve significantly upped my teaching schedule (and I LOVE it!) And along with those new commitments, the time for play and the energy I had to push my asana practice dwindled. And along with that I fell into a rut. The same poses, the ones I knew I could do, nail, and feel juicy good in. I favored folds (I have easy opening hamstrings!) and avoided back bends, I added squats in everywhere, and stopped my arm balance practice.
I was talking with an incredible friend and a far more experienced yoga teacher than me, Nic (her blog, Deep Thoughts in Overalls is my fave!) , and she put to words exactly what it was. . . that in wanting to give the feeling to my students that made me fall for yoga, I’d lost that feeling myself. I’d leave room for improvement and play in poses I was confident in, in my classes. But at home… the Rut.
In looking back at the past few months I feel pretty proud of myself, instead of focusing on the outer reaches of my asana practice, I’ve been really focusing on the other 7 limbs of yoga and my mental practice. The the progress there, while not measurable on an IG video, has been immense. However, as that’s grown, I can now feel my space in my body and head freeing up. Ready for some play, fun, and goals.
Consequently I’ve honed in on a few poses that are really challenging for me. Body and brain. And? ones that really freak me out. I’m researching prep poses (poses used to warm your body up specifically), and propping ideas, and getting myself on my mat to mess around. Not a sequenced practice, not restorative, just. . . adventure there.
As I make more time for that I can feel myself lighting back up. It’s a special kind of spring magic to witness the end of one season and the beginning of another sputter starting in myself. I’m embodying the PNW season change with all I’ve got. A peppering of rainy introspective days punctuated by neon hot sunshine and waves.
May, I’m feeling you.